a risk.

i wanted a woman to feel the inside of my skin
i wanted to whisper all the secrets that I have never told a man
i wanted her leg against my hip round
i wanted her beauty to conceal my eyes
i wanted her touch to turn me on
i wanted my soul to feel peace
as we lay like moths withered, heated by the nights flame

you took me stern
mentioned tompkin square park
where athena lives
you fondled my strength
tucked me away
shrouded by your presence
piercing my wounds

your rough hands knew their markings as
your man breath should know its bitter resentments

we are at WAR now with each other
between our words
the heart has so many minds
this way
Yes Yes
this way
yes, no, nO, NO
this way
clashed components
radical enough
to gendered ness
heritage
sexual ness
to simple
to complex
complaining
complaint
complain
i question if we were always at war
here within the confluence of both east and west

what hasn’t been written
not one word
has not seen the page

i want you as my excuse
to cross the boundaries
towards the takers of risk

ive been sleeping naked
ive been having dreams about my teeth falling out
ive been wanting to pack up my car and leave
enter into the cadence of vanishing

go back home tonight
whisky mouthed
cigarrett stained teeth
go back home to the confines that the east confine you as such

there is a confluence of east and west
and i will cross the divides without you
so don’t touch me with your words
i don’t want to hear your voice against the telephone
i don’t want to be a thought crossed inside your mind in the deepest part of night
i will not be the woman you call on occasion to find the way back to your own heart
when your so unsure of where it holds you

i am concerned
the limitations of my language concern me
i am concerned
my german roots left me somewhere between two worlds
and i am debating on each shade of grass

you were like a place i always knew how to get to until someone asked me for directions
and i am someone who thinks she can cross dreams
like i would cross a neighbors lawn
but i will cross anyways

living is such risk
the street
the bus a second off schedule
the airplane my father boards tonight
poetry itself is a risk
leaving you is a risk

i will disagree with you this time
we stayed together longer then it felt specific

here in this confluence of east and west
here I am divided
this is my way of saying im letting you go