momma may i
jump across that dividing line of symmetry
over the borders of self loathing
and the loathe i tasted in him
it was a tuesday night
it was a war wound
a life wound
a dirty push towards the edge
he kissed me like he knew he was kissing a stranger
i woke up without the fight
and all my sunken poetry concealed itself inside the pacific
cold top confessions of the confession less
momma may i
trust you with my words
because i am your daughter
because ive made mistakes a mother would question willingly in her own eyes
i love this city
but in my love i am bordered
by time and money and myself most of all
because here i am alone
you think that i reach to far towards the deepening depression of repression
after i write this
i will fill a bath and remember my senses
cleanse myself of my disease
of dis ease
and i will pretend it is like any other day
but it is not
momma may i
wait for you to hold me tighter
but the truth has always been that space cannot be taken back
again the womb will never hold my body soft
pure
this day has brought on a heavy weight of metal or lead
and there is no vice that can make me tell you where my soul holds me now
you tell me to go and make myself known
to live the day towards the other days
but there was a shift that night
when my body lied broken
by possibilities
and human distinction
3am
i woke up
never the same
momma may i
be honest
always you would say
if i could take your voice and morph it into my own understanding
its the theme of my life lately
double sided
rear view mirror of someone lost
me
and no one can save me here
no one can grasp my hand
and take care of this for me
take care of me
because this is my internal war
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