it became that way

it became that way
when he said he couldn't stay
here in this city
above the fault line
it was loves fault
i said
the earth shakes and quivers
and i am below man to believe different
he said
you have two minds
ambivalence runs between the cracks
i liked the light before the sun rose
the breaking point with water
orange
then white
bright
i turn the lights off wherever i go
they find me in the dark
i live surrounded by candles
soft light
or moon light
it wasn't meant to be that way
she explained
but he wouldn't listen
couldn't listen
to the knock hard against the door
rattling the cages of her breast bone
echoing through flesh
it's been to long
to go back
the long way in which we came

f.t.p.

i dont know how to follow into the proceeding
of what it looks like to continue beside you
because it doesnt have rhythm
or sense to begin
picked us off the curb of question
without answer or direction
"hold me close" you'll say
and i'll squeeze tighter
but will that move us past the cyclical motion of our lives
you say you'll be twenty-seven
that your bones are feeble and the mind distorts your reasons
i ask if they are our reasons
to let go and reply
with more of the truth then lies
the connotation
of a squid in love with a whale
and this is not funny
but honey
there was a suitcase with your things
left behind
and in every morning i'll wake to myself
and every night follow your trace
into cities brutal with honesty
where the streets themselves tell you that life hardens
and then there are crimson moments of skylines
and birds low enough to land with possibility
i'll describe myself to you
and hope your patience wouldn't abstract
and forget to follow
you are everything i said you were and all the more of what you know you are already
i am the pieces pulled together in darkness created by light
maybe we were never meant to say all of what was spoken
but life lives with no room to take back or deny
and ive fallen
hope full and in love with you
honey there is this connotation between us
it was the suggestion to follow the pull
walk the line
break the direction
forget the meaning
of every piece that others held and placed their bets
because it's only your word against mine
and here we stand alone
here we are divided
from all the other crossings pinnacle to this

breech.

i wanted to write about the meaning of us
our centerfold of how we belong
it cuts into the distinct differences
it breaks the question open
long enough to tower its heights
and explore its magnitude
you perspire to learn more in us
then another woman
while i want things which you cannot give
and lack the clarity to tell me in honesty
that you never will
the truth is
i loose myself
in this heat
in this sun
in the endless television
and the sugar that keeps me at thrills length
lost in my love for you that takes me at such great ranges
that our ups and downs have become a steady pace to keep
maybe you are so right
not to tell me
someday we will be forever
even though i know this isnt even a concept
forever.
its some illusionary stance we take on
writing down our lives in some mystical
fanciful way
it was breech
the way we fought for strength to deliver ourselves
out of our consistently stagnant and stuck patterns
that lovers lie down naked to
we pushed until torn
and now were making memories out of our own blood
feeding our bodies with this life substance
that dries hard against the skin

salt tears.

if i were to read the sentences that marked our lives
you would be the comma of a breath taken
life leads us into the fragility of human form
and there are no words to say what is felt
there is expression of face and hand and eyes
it was sad he said
in a way to mark his tears
but the moment watered down
to pale white
and the compromise left it salty with memory.